You know what is so funny to me right now? the mere fact that I just wrote about patience and how I know God has been testing me in that very area. I would love to assume that I may have finally passed the test; In my last post (74 days) I shared with you all my honest feelings about my recent experiences in the NICU. Needless to say, If you read it then what I am about to share with you is going to blow your mind! Last night around 7p.m. I was getting myself together to head to the hospital to go see Kota Bear. I asked Demi if she wanted to come along but she gracefully said "no thank you mommy I am tired". Luckily for us our aunties are in town visiting for the week, so when I announced that I was heading out shortly aunt Nita contemplated coming but I prompted her to stay home with Demi because she was having lower back pain. Deep within her spirit she must have known she was going to miss something because we went back and forth until I had to convince her to "chill because tomorrow is another day"! Meanwhile, aunt Pat was standing in the kitchen suited and booted waiting on me so we could hit the road. We arrived at the hospital, pulled into the parking spot (skurt skurt), hit the doe (door) and proceeded to the floe (floor) lol. when entering the NICU I always try my best to hit the corner with a huge smile on my face, greeting any and everyone from the maintenace workers to other parents to the nurses and doctors. With so many mixed emotions traveling on that floor you would be surprised at what a simple smile could do for someone. We arrived outside of Kota Bears room and proceed to walk in, after I sanitized my hands my next step is always straight to peek into her bed and see if she is sheepin (sleeping) or awake pulling at her CPAP continuously attempting to snatch it off. BAABY BYE!!! when I bent over and looked at my daughters face and seen that she had a Ram Cannula on I almost passed the hell out. I started jumping up and down laughing and screaming in disbelief. My aunt Pat told me that I kept spinning in circles, which by the way I do not remember. A few minutes later Dakotas primary nurse joined us in her room, she walked in with this huge smile on her face :) I looked at her and said "do you see our baby girl?" I cannot believe my eyes this is UNREAL! after a few minutes of her nurse filling me in on her status she then asked me if I wanted to hold Kota Bear. I quickly responded with a no.
ME: Its a school night, I need to get back home to Demi and I know the kangaroo process will take too long.
NURSE: No it won't take long, she's not intubated anymore, I can take her right out and you can hold her.
ME: Wait hold her... what do you mean hold her? don't I have to take off my shirt, get the tubes taped on me and all that so she can lay on my breast?
NURSE: No, we are going to leave her swaddled and you can hold her with your hands.
ME: HUH? YOU ARE PLAYING RIGHT?
NURSE: No, I'm serious!!
When I tell y'all I hopped up so damn fast, took off my sweater that I had on and draped myself with a hospital robe in 2.5 seconds, my new nickname should have been Flash! I then plopped back into the recliner chair so hard I almost flew through the doors and out into the hallway. I mean I was beyond excited to hold our 2lb 13oz miracle in the palm of my hands for the very first time. What some mothers get to experience within the first 2 minutes of giving birth I had to wait 78 days but, what I will say is it was worth the wait because those very feelings, emotions and joy that took over my body trumps it all. I kissed her little cheeks, smelled her neck, gazed into her eyes and just smiled at life...this life...her life that has now become our life! To God Be The Glory...I thank you.
From my heart to yours :)