Day 74...

March 19, 2017

Life has its own way of throwing numerous curve balls at you at one point or another, it is your job to deal with these life changes to the best of your ability.  With myself in particular, I sometimes feel like the more I pray in specifics to the man above HE answers my prayers with random test before the actual break through.  To give you a clear example, one of my biggest prayer request is to endure and have more patience.  I promise you!! the more I pray for patience the more I am tested in that area to see how my reaction will be.  It has gotten to the point where I would silently say to myself "I'm not praying for patience anymore" If I go to the grocery store the lines are out the door, or the person in front of me has a million coupons. Majority of my time is spent in the car because of Demi's back and forth commute to school and with the hospital being on the other side of town this means more traffic for me.  Or how about extreme lines at the bank, five cars in front of me in the drive thru and coming across a person that talks your ears off when you have somewhere to be.  I mean you name it I have encountered it all because this is the very thing I am praying for...Patience. Most recently my patience has been tested with hearing babies cry, seeing babies go home, seeing parents feeding their babies and seeing babies in regular cribs.  Sometimes disappointment  weighs heavy on me and I become numb to how I am suppose to feel at this time in my life.  Dakota was recently extubated again and immediately switched to a cpap mask that will help assist her with breathing on her own.  What I will say is 74 days later I finally heard the voice of my miracle, she was uncomfortable and struggling to get accustomed to the new face mask that covers her nose.  I heard her squeal and squeak as a little mouse would, I thought to myself she has a voice...a real voice, you know what happened next..the tears started flowing. Through these rough times I am learning that patience is truly a virtue but on the flip side the wait makes me appreciate things so much more than the average Joe.  All in all, I am extremely blessed, slowly  learning how to create a balance and remain positive at the same time it is not easy but I am getting the job done. 

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