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Two Days!

A week ago I was mentally drained and confused about what was to come next, what else can I pray for and thinking that maybe I need to pray differently so I can receive different results. "I just need two days" kept ringing in my head, replaying over and over as if it was one of my favorite songs. My husband had left for work and he was going to be gone for over a week, I had pondered the thought of asking him to tag along for two days just to clear my mind but guilt instantly took over; what would he say and how would he feel? OMG! what about Demi and will Dakota know if I'm not at the hospital on that given day? The negative thoughts were surrounding me like a swarm of bees I just could not shake them, but all I kept hearing in my head was "just two days". With my aunts coming in town I knew they would hold the fort down because thats just what we do as family but, what would they think or assume? they had traveld miles to come spend time with us and Im going to just leave? Shirley thats not cool is what I told myself. Sometimes thinking of others before yourself can be a true burden, here I am knowing in my heart that I needed a quick breath of fresh air so I could bounce back like new money but worrying about everyone else, their thoughts and feelings before my own had me stuck. I was told "if your no good for yourself then how can you be good for your husband, children and everyone else?" After replaying this thought in my head it was ask permission, get feed back and see if this two day get away would come to pass. "Hey babe I was thinking of coming to LA for two days just to clear my head do you think that would be ok?" My husband just knew this was all talk because deep down I really didn't have the guts to leave but he replied "babe its up to you, everyone needs a break". I thought to that was easy, next in line were my aunts, who by the way are too wild for the streets LOL! "Sooo I was thinking of going away for two days, JR is in LA and I just need to clear my head and get myself together.." before I could finish the sentence "Shirley you better go pack your shit and go spend some time with your husband, these girls will be fine!!!" then my other aunt quickly chimed in "absolutely! you go have yourself a good time love button". With me still having mixed feelings about these two days the decision was clearly already made for me so it was time. I went away and was able to rest, sit still, relax and enjoy the much needed company of my husband within a blink of an eye it was time and I came right back. From the time I landed at the airport in CLE the continuous blessings started to happen back to back, because I trusted God to handle things while I was away casting all of my cares on him, he had a few surprises lined up for my return. To go back for a second, when I landed I went straight to the hospital and thats when I seen that Dakota had the Ram Cannula in (which was what my last post was about). The very next day I played it cool and told Demi we were going to see her sister in the hospital after she got out of school. What she did not know was that she would be able to actually hold her sister in her arms for the very first time. I honestly have never seen her face light up so much, she held her sister with so much pride and joy my heart was melting. Looking at Kota Bear gazing into her big sisters eyes as Demi kissed her face while rubbing her hair until she was sound asleep is a true testament that the best things in life are FREE! After soaking in that special moment with my girls I just knew nothing could top that moment until I called up to the hospital later that evening to do my nightly check in on her before going to bed. Do you know that the nurse had the nerve to tell me that Dakota was 3lbs and 2oz!!! BABY BYE, I screamed and said are you kidding me? I was beyond overjoyed and excited. Moreover, I decided that It would be a good Idea for Dakota to have a rest day yesterday with minimal interruptions as possible so I did not go up to the hospital, instead I stayed home and checked on her periodically online through the Nicview camera website. When I called up to the hospital yesterday around noon to hear from Dakotas nurse verbally to see how her day was going she gave me the same basic information that I have become accustomed to hearing day in and out. She then continued the conversation by saying "I put an outfit on her today", I said YOU DID WHAT? ( let me make sure I am hearing this right) she said "yes the little two piece outfit you had here for her with the butterfly on the butt, she has that on right now". You guys know I was crying like a baby.. her first outfit, her first article of clothing on her tiny body 80 plus days later I was truly grateful. I begged and gave her permission to take a few photos for me to have for Dakotas preemie album because as I mentioned it was a rest day for her so I was not up there. I quickly ended the conversation, logged into the Nicview camera online and screen shot this picture....

From my heart to yours

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